Goodbye camp, hello life. I’m starting to infiltrate into my routine life again after having spent ten wonderful days in the Liferun camp where we practiced spiritual running and tried to find our lives. Result: I feel peaceful and happy. For now. Life has shown that this harmony doesn’t last forever. Maybe I’m doing something wrong, like going back to my old ways. Right now I know that I don’t want to go back to exactly how it was before. I want to retain happiness. Changes. Fortunately, I have a whole week of loneliness ahead of me when I can think. I’m planning to spend it mostly at home eating fruit (the camp = too much food, gorging) and discovering nearby places on a bicycle. This week will be for thinking, purifying myself both mentally and physically, and, gosh, I have to do some writing! There will be some work too, oh yes. As usual, I’m open to other ideas too.

The camp. Elujooks. Liferun. I cannot describe it in words. Not properly. Let’s just say that I’m happy with myself and feel a weird kind of inner peace. This happened last year too but at some point I just lost it again and slipped to my old ways. The only thing that was left were the shindo exercises I did after my every workout.

Today we ran 33 kilometres. The final big showdown and challenge. Some people were nervous which is totally understandable. They were preparing themselves for their longest run of their life. I felt calm because I knew I would finish. Been there before. A year ago. This time I told myself that it will be relaxing and easy. Last year I just hated the last part with its varying uphill and downhill. Really wore me out.  This time I tried the chi running technique that involves running up the hill in a zig-zag. When this also didn’t work, I walked. The feeling’s great right now, not even dead tired. In fact, I visited the most dreadsome part already in the morning. The track was divided between elements: air, wood, water, fire, earth, and metal. Mine was the last, metal. Woke up at seven and defied the pouring rain to prepare the track. Tõnis left me at the track and they went to prepare their part. I walked/ran about 2 km and then came back, leaving some things behind, such as a smiley face made of metal spoons, a saw (that nobody used), and a mirror that was already gone (stolen?) once I got to that point of the track later during the run itself. Sad about the mirror. It was meant for looking into, so people’d face themselves after having run 29 km or so. Although I came back muddy, being on the track in the morning did me good. I lost my fear and could relax during the actual run.

I guess there’s no point to go into details about with whom I ran with etc. Short: mostly alone but in the beginning with one girl and at some point with four people (they lost me though and I arrived in the finish about 2 minutes later than them). Overall, I was 15 minutes faster than last year and greatly thanks to the people I ran with for a while. However, I prefer to be alone on the track. Me and my thoughts.

The leitmotif of the run was love, at least in my thoughts. I was weighing my relationships and thinking of my life too. Interesting, that January 9 or January 13 (2012) never crossed my mind. This was something I wanted to get rid of because it was haunting my thoughts when the camp started. Maybe I’m healing now. Interestingly though, this week Monday was the 9th and Friday the 13th day of the month. Just like 6 months ago. But this time I was happy on Friday with some flashes on other days too. We went running in the middle of the night, for example. My new late time record: running at 2 am. My earliest should be around 5 am actually back in France when we were going to some place early in the morning and I wanted to run before this.

Love. I remember how Raivo told me that love makes everything beautiful/good (don’t remember exactly). This happened in the second drinking point (8 km) while I was hugging and kissing a tree (because the sign told me so). Love stayed close. And now I feel great inner peace. And power. And I’m not sleepy. Guess, this is going to be a long night where some poetry/prose may also be born.


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