It’s me. Home. Sitting at my computer. My real home. My Estonian home. There’s snow outside. And I’m trying to force myself to write as I can see the horrifying deadlines in my mental eye. I know that January 19 is more than two weeks away but to me it already seems too close. 5,000 words, you know. 5,000 quality words. These need polishing. And we will be workshopping the pieces too, so soon people will start waiting for everyone’s work. Or maybe not, as they will all be busy with their own anyway.
How do you kill the writer’s block? By not writing for long and recharging your batteries? By writing loads of crap and hoping that at one point there will be a click, and, voila!, you’re writing good stuff again? Depends, I guess. So far, I’ve been avoiding writing. I mean, only the creative one. Been creating content for websites, maintaining my recipe blog and translating. Awfully lot, I would say. Some weeks ago I was so relieved because the new year seemed so far away. The new year, the time to start with my creative writing again. Now it’s here. No way to escape. Wish I could cherish writing again. Somehow I dislike my scraps of novel right now. It’s so hard to go back to them and edit. Ugh. But I also dislike seeing that pile of stuff waiting to be edited. So, I’d better get rid of it. No, not by burning it, but going through it. The hard way.
I have a Word document open, with some sentences already written. I’m so looking forward to getting caught in the writing flow, being inspired. Hmm, maybe a walk outside would help! Oh, no, no escaping now. Must write. Now. Funnily writing has become an obligation. University, you know. I always wanted to write and now I’m doing it and I feel rather sick of it. Oh, well, this will pass and soon I’ll experience a motivation boost. Hopefully.
I also have to do something with the short time when I’m here, in Estonia. It’s less than two weeks now. Should meet people. More. Enough of sitting at home and working to earn as much money as possible to pay for my enormous bills (tuition fee and rent). Can do this later. I guess.
Oh, yes, and it’s the new year but I don’t feel any difference (paraphrasing Death Cab for Cutie). Should get lucky soon, it’s the year of dragon after all. The year of me. And according to another astrology whatever the glorious time for pisces will also start this year and will last up to 2025. Yay, double lucky! Is that true anyhow?
Block, block, block. Attack. Paper. Now.